


I've Got Thick Skin And An Elastic Heart (But Your Blade It Might Be Too Sharp)

by rxinventlove



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Child Abuse, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Trans Ryan, im bad at tags lol, it ends happy i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxinventlove/pseuds/rxinventlove
Summary: Ryan was not who he wanted to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one is slightly less sad XD.

Ryan was not who he wanted to be.

He wanted to cut his hair.

He wanted to wear boyish clothes.

Ryan wasn't born Ryan.

Well he was born Ryan, just not in Ryan's body.

He always found this hard to explain.

Dysphoria was kind of weird like that.

Ryan was Ryan, he always had been.

It was just that Ryan didn't feel like he belonged in the body he was given.

He wished that his jaw was stronger.

He wanted his hips to slim down and he wanted his chest to be flat.

He wanted a bulge in his pants and he wanted his voice to be deeper.

Ryan wanted the outside to match the inside.

But he would never tell anyone that.

Not a chance.

Even if his friends would accept him, his father would not.

No, his father would beat him to death if he ever found out.

He would push Ryan down the stairs and call him a disgusting faggot and a disgrace.

He would tell Ryan how girls couldn't have short hair and how he was a girl.

Ryan wasn't a girl.

Not really.

But his dad would still beat him anyway.

Ryan didn't want to live in this body.

Every morning he woke up and the only thing he could think was I'm stuck.

Ryan didn't want to be stuck.

But one morning the feeling was just too much.

He tried to jump from his bedroom window.

Instead of getting what he thought he wanted he fell gracelessly onto his front lawn.

Broke his ankle on impact.

Ryan didn't know how long he was there for.

But someone found him.

That night Brendon Urie walked into his life.

And fuck, Ryan didn't know just how much he needed him.

As soon as Brendon was close enough to see Ryan he sprinted over.

He asked if he was ok, he asked how he could do something like this.

Brendon helped Ryan up when he needed it the most.

They talked for hours until the sun came up.

And when Brendon asked Ryan if he wanted to go back inside, Ryan said no.

And so he didn't.

Ryan and Brendon ran away together.

They traveled the world together.

They saw the Northern Lights.

They drank at bars on Bourbon Street.

They walked along The Great Wall Of China.

They saw the Eiffel tower and rode boats all around Venice.

But maybe the best thing of all, Ryan got to be Ryan.

Brendon helped him get on Testosterone and get surgery.

Brendon helped Ryan be happy.

The days of being beaten were over.

Hell, Ryan couldn't even remember his birth name anymore.

And he didn't want to.

Ryan was a boy.

Ryan's outside matched the inside.

Ryan was finally who he wanted to be.

With Brendon he wasn't stuck anymore.


End file.
